U.N. APPOINTS AMBASSADOR TO 'E.T. RELATIONS'

(File this story under "News of the Weird," but it's absolutely true!)

Malaysian astrophysicist Mazlan Othman may add a new job title to her resume. She is currently Director of the United Nations Office for Outer Space Affairs (UNOOSA), which deals with space-related issues ranging from international cooperation in peaceful uses of outer space, to managing the growing problem of space debris.

According to numerous reports, Othman is to be named the U.N.'s ambassador to extraterrestrials, if and when they ever contact humanity. The post will require approval from UN scientific advisory committees and the General Assembly. (How would you like to "pad" your resume with that job description? Or would you?)

Othman, who led Malaysia's national space agency before heading to the U.N., and helped train that country's first astronaut, is scheduled to speak next week at a Royal Society event devoted to the implications of alien contact and the need for necessary political processes to be in place should that contact occur. (I didn't even know Malaysia has a space agency...or astronauts!)

"The continued search for extraterrestrial communication...sustains the hope that someday humankind will receive signals from extraterrestrials," the publication The Australian quoted Othman as saying. "When we do, we should have in place a coordinated response that takes into account all the sensitivities related to the subject. The U.N. is a ready-made mechanism for such coordination." (Now if only they could coordinate some of those bothersome little Earth-bound problems like the global war on terrorism.)

The publication also quoted Professor Richard Crowther, a specialist in space law and governance (space law? governance? uh?) at the U.K. Space Agency, on Othman's suitability for the job: She "is absolutely the nearest thing we have to a 'take me to your leader' person." (Does he mean that as a compliment?)

Though contact with space aliens may not happen tomorrow, the recent discovery of potentially Earth-like planets, and of the existence of life forms in the harshest environments on Earth itself, have led to an increased focus on the possibility of extraterrestrial creatures. The late physicist Stephen Hawking helped to legitimize exopolitics, which looks at the public policy implications of alien life.

"To my mathematical brain, the numbers alone make thinking about aliens perfectly rational," The Times of London quoted Hawking as saying in April (2010). "The real challenge is to work out what aliens might actually be like."

Othman seems to be sympathetic toward such life forms. As The Australian points out, under the Outer Space Treaty of 1967, overseen by the Office for Outer Space Affairs (No doubt down the hall from the "Office for Atlantis Affairs"), members of the U.N. agree to protect Earth against contamination by taking the precaution of "sterilizing" extraterrestrials (say WHAT?!). But, The Australian says, Othman "...wants a more tolerant approach." (Well, if I landed on an alien world and they tried to "sterilize" me, I'd be in favor of a more "tolerant approach," too! And this "treaty" has been around since 1967? Who did we make it with, the aliens?)

If Hawking's thinking is correct, Othman may be in for some challenging diplomacy. Though he suspects most aliens will prove to be microbes and small animals, Hawking warns against trying to make contact with intelligent ETs. He thinks they'd likely be cruising the galaxy in search of resources or potential colonies. (No cause for concern there over planetary pillaging.)

"We only have to look at ourselves," The Times quoted Hawking as saying, "to see how intelligent life might develop into something we wouldn't want to meet." But then, perhaps Othman's time at the U.N., and that agency's long history of dealing with the fallout from humanity's foibles, make her the perfect candidate for the job.

GOING TO EXTREMES

I have a confession to make: I like "chick flicks." (Okay, I may have to surrender my "Man Card" for that admission but so be it.) But in an age of escalating violence, disasters, war, pestilence, and extinction-level events, I am growing weary of Extreme entertainment, Extreme products, Extreme points of view -- Extreme everything!

I don't know. Perhaps as I get older I just want to tap on the brakes of Life a bit and slow down. But it does seem as if the proverbial "Rat Race" is out of control and going nowhere fast. One of my fave films of the last few years is The Holiday starring Kate Winslett (of "Titanic" fame), Jude Law, Cameron Diaz and Jack Black. Why? Because it's a simple, romantic story with simple, yet entertaining elements: A good screenplay, good acting, and a good musical score by composer Hans Zimmer. That's it. And I will go so far as to admit that I even like Tom Hanks' early works with screen pal Meg Ryan: Sleepless in Seattle and You've Got Mail. Same thing there: Simple story, good actors, etc. I can relax and just take in these simple, low-key little films sans the pyrotechnics, CGI, and mass murders in vivid living color because, quite frankly, I can see all of THAT stuff on the daily news any time for free.

"Once upon a time"...way "back in the day"...this was what Americans considered "Good Entertainment." With a worldwide war at hand, coming on the heels of a crushing depression, people didn't need or want surround-sound explosions ringing their ears, or images of people being blown to bits on the silver screen. In a time of global insanity, in a world gone mad, they instead sought saneness, a reprieve from the woes of the world. They longed for peace.

So what the previous generation had for nice "wholesome entertainment" back then was the sort of chick-flick fodder that we scoff at today. But I have to ask myself: Why were such famous couples back then -- Tracy & Hepburn, Gable & Lombard, Bogart & Bacall -- considered so glamorous, and how did the classic films that those people made come to define what is roundly regarded as the "Golden Age of Hollywood?" Indeed, were Tom & Meg to co-star in another romantic film today it would likely be boo-hooed as "Film Lite," mush -- a chick flick. And yet contrast this with director James Cameron's ground-breaking Avatar: a half-billion-dollar visual romp that broke box-office records in terms of its Extreme production cost and its Extreme earnings. With an anemic screenplay, virtual acting, and CGI galore, Avatar is a hallmark of the Extreme Movement.

Of course Extremism extends well beyond motion pictures. The biggest sport in the U.S. today, in terms of corporate sponsorships and fan base, is by far NASCAR racing. I frankly don't understand why people pay top dollar to see some driver slam into the wall at Daytona and his vehicle shatter into a million pieces. Is it some vicarious release of pent-up rage, anger or frustration, that motivates NASCAR fans? It's hard to believe (at least for me) that people attend these events, and spend the coin that they do, to punish their hearing with the deafening roar of super-charged engines, and to watch dragsters speed aimlessly around oval tracks for long hours. And yet the proceeds from racing, and the thousands of fans who turn out for major events, underscore the magnitude of this Extreme sport.

I could write this dribble all day long with countless examples but I think you get the picture. So I probably don't even need to tell you that Micky-D's now has a "Triple Pounder" burger that's 1/3 of a pound of prime, USDA-inspected beef. Hence, what will be the next logically Extreme progression to follow on from this trend? No doubt a HALF POUNDER, and then eventually, a FULL POUNDER of beef sandwiched between a sesame-seed bun -- Extreme fat and carbs!

So What Is the Prognosis Here?

I suppose my desire would be for the world to take a step back for a moment, pause for a deep breath, and take a long, hard look at how over the top...how extreme...how in your face...how balls to the wall...and how maxed out everything has become. Our parents' generation knew a simpler time when there was nothing wrong with simple love stories without the gore of some Freddie Krueger type sneaking up behind a pair of impassioned young lovers parked at a dark lovers' cove, and then hacking them to pieces with a machete.

So if you ask me the Extreme Scene has been maxed out, so much so that we have all become insular people, immune to the effects of Extremism. We instinctively know better than to let our small children participate in or view things that would defile their innocent sensibilities, hence the rating systems for both films and music. But why shouldn't we believe that, on some subconscious level, all of this overkill is damaging us adults as well? With nearly every channel of modern communication now glutted with Extremism, where can one find safe harbor within their own heart and soul? Through the pursuit of religion? That's probably THE most extreme thing to define this new century: Violent religious Extremism.

Perhaps we have collectively given up on the silly old "Peace & Love" mantra of the '60s and, in this post nine-eleven world, have come to accept Extremism as the new norm, a "New World Disorder." It has to be damaging to us on some level, more so than we suspect. The human mind, like the body itself, can only take so much battering before it goes into a kind of PTSD shock or denial that builds up like a hard shell, deflecting the harsh barrages that are hurled at it every day from a thousand different sources. The big problem with this is that, when we harden ourselves to keep from feeling the pain wrought by our world, we also cut ourselves off to all the good things in life, too: Love, God, compassion, family. To become an Extremist of any sort is to embrace that other '60s slogan: "Tune in, turn on, and drop out." Only, in this case, it's not a drug-fueled counterculture but Life itself that we're missing out on. So as things grind onward toward an uncharted future, I must wonder what the next Extreme thing will be to captivate the limelight, and hijack our minds and souls.

WHEN I AWOKE THIS MORNING...

When I awoke this morning, I asked myself what is Life about? To my surprise, I found the answer right there in my bedroom.

The fan said be cool.
The ceiling said aim high.
The window said see the world.
The clock said every second is precious.
The mirror said reflect before you act.
The calendar said stay up to date.
The door said push hard for your goals.
Finally, the carpet spoke and said kneel down and pray.

'STAIRWAY TO HEAVEN' DISCOVERED

Yep, you read it right. The proverbial "Stairway to Heaven" has at last been found! The odd thing is that -- contrary to MY expectations at least -- it looks more like a construction-site "port-o-potty" than anything else! A cosmic joke? Read on...

Dateline: CAIRO, Egypt, March 29, 2010 -- A large red granite false door from the tomb of an ancient queen's powerful vizier has been discovered in Luxor, Egypt's minster of culture announced earlier today.

The carved stone door -- which ancient Egyptians believed was the threshold to the afterlife -- was unearthed near the Karnak Template in Luxor and belongs to the tomb of User, a powerful advisor to the 18th dynasty of Queen Hatshepsut, Faruk Hosni said in a statement. (And NO, I'm not making this up, even though it reads like a premise for a sequel of "Ghostbusters" combined with "Indiana Jones: In Search of the Mummy's Tomb.")

The door, which measures 1.75 meters (5.7 feet) high and 50 cm (19 inches) thick, is engraved with religious text and various titles used by User, including mayor of the city, vizier and prince, said antiquities chief Zahi Hawass.

"The newly discovered door was reused during the Roman period. It was removed from the tomb of User and used in the wall of a Roman structure," said Mansur Boraik, who headed the excavation mission.

Hatshepsut, who ruled Egypt between 1479 BC and 1458 BC, was the longest reigning female pharoah. (And here I thought Cleopatra was the only female pharoah. Live and learn!)